This has been an atrocious week… Sad and truly difficult.
But the icing on this atrocious cake was the loss of my Beloved Horse. He was the sweetest thing, my buddy, my friend. He knew all my secrets and listened to every woe and every joy and every dream with a silent approval or quick pout to let me know that he was none to happy with my silly thoughts. He was lame when he got here and I knew I would not be much to him but a place to die at 26 years old, but we took up and were great friends. He was here for two years before he started to loose weight and his legs gave out and he no longer had the strength to get up on his own.
I sat next to him before he died for hours, stroking his neck and his heavy mane. I walked around him over and over to make sure that he was comfortable. I made calls and tried to find a way to fix it but in the end I gave into the grief and resigned myself to knowing that his fate to suffer or not was in my hands. I chose to put him down knowing that a natural death would mean hours, maybe days of suffering. I loved my friend too much for that.
So I Kissed him, I told him it was ok to go, and I stroked his beautiful red mane and looked right into his old eyes and hugged him one more time. I knew it was the right thing to do but every agonizing step that I took walking away from him was chased by a tear.
Then I let him go knowing that he was not going to suffer anymore. It was the one and only thing I could give him. Give us both.
I will miss you, Bar Keep Baby. To me you will always be just my Baby, My Friend.
Stupid Country Girl Experiment… This one hurt.