I am unsettled. I wanted it this way. I didn’t want to get so comfortable in my place in this world that I just quit seeking. I wanted to go deeper and know more and live with abandon.
I am unsettled. Things are changing fast. Not the kind of changes that are earth shattering, but the kind that are subtle and discreet.
I am unsettled. I want something different. I want to discover the next big thing for me. I want to create a world from my imagination. I want to be who God created me to be without reservation or fear.
I am unsettled. I could sit here and be content in my world as it is, If only I never looked beyond it. If I never read anything else, or was challenged by any other human being or dreamed anymore dreams, this would be good enough. It’s nice enough. In fact, it’s amazing. If only I never heard the call on my heart.
I am unsettled. I know that this season of my life is coming to an end and the next is about to be born. I will mourn this time that I have loved so much but will go with excitement and joy to the next big thing. I was not meant to be the same girl I was 10 years ago or ten years before that. The Lord has taken great care to create me in the image He envisioned when he picked up this unformed lump of clay.
I am unsettled. I am not comfortable in the direction I am taking, but I keep going because I know it is right. I would be fine to never leave the safety and comfort of my kitchen, my art room and my home. But I feel God calling me out for some purpose, a purpose I don’t yet understand, but I TRUST.
So when I prayed “Unsettle me Lord”, I was unaware of what that would mean. I did not know that I would be shaken from my safe place and set upon a foreign one where my feet feel unsteady and my heart feels anxious. I did not realize that you would break my heart, my body and my mind for healing. It was time, I know. I know it was time for all things hidden to be revealed, healed and repurposed.
I am unsettled. And it is the most beautiul place.