It’s about 9:30 at night and I am sitting here alone in my room, in my jammies, cup of tea and my laptop. Things are changing fast in my world. Some magically exciting things mixed with bitter-sweet sadness are paving the way to the next thing for me.
For those of you who don’t know, I am an adoptive mom. My Manda… who is 20, been with me for 18 of those years will be moving out on Saturday. Amanda has Frontal lobe brain damage which has made the road to this day long and hard. But it’s here. It’s time. It’s a Sad moment when you realize you might not be the best thing for your baby anymore. At the same time it is a relief, that finally all the hard work will pay off. Other people will be seeing to her needs. Other people will manage her money, her meds, her appointments, her seizures, her happiness. I am so glad right at this moment for the familiar taste of the tea in my cup to distract me from the tears that are going to take over soon.
On the Flip side, I will have freedom that I have not experienced in years.I will not be overwhelmed with constantly supervising Amanda and tending to her needs. I will have time to do what I really want to do. My other 5 children will be in school all day soon. It will just be me. ALONE. In this big house. In the country… way out in the desert with a bunch of animals. Free to do as i wish for 8 whole hours a day 5 days a week. I can see my adult children and my grandchildren. I can hang out with my mom. Get to see my girlfriends and do all that girl stuff. I can put my heart into my passions and really do something with my art since I still have to stick close to home for a while. My Beautiful mama is living next door to me ( yep, crazy old girl decided to move to the desert) and still needs me sometimes. Really- I just want her to make me coffee and pie.
Soon, Amanda’s room will be vacant. This time instead of putting another kid in it, I am going to do something for me. I have always wanted a mom-cave. An art Studio for my growing desire and need to create art and to render healing through it. I am literally busting between the sadness and excitement of finally getting to be me.
My goal is to create this magical room where paints and watercolors and clay and emphera come together to create what my heart needs to say. No tv’s or phone’s just a radio and art supplies and a table and maybe a video camera.I want to fill up art journals- pages and pages of them. I want to create books, sculpt dolls, create ornaments, paint pictures, draw faces, create fantasy characters, sew beautiful things and create everything I can think of from paper. I want to explode in colorful blasts of paint and glitter and flowers and butterflies and colorful duct tape. My goal is to complete 25 workshops before my children come home for the summer again. Who knows how far i might go and what I might learn about myself.