Yesterday, I got my hair cut by a guy with a long blue ponytail named Spider. He was a very happy fella who sang a lot and danced a little and smelled very much like I would expect David Hasselhoff to smell after his Bay Watch shower. A couple of piercings and a perfectly groomed Johnny Depp pirate beard completed his look. He did a good Job. I am lovely. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a Little scared. If there had been anyone else to layer my locks, I would have chosen them. But He was all there was and when he walked up to me, called my name and displayed a full face grin, I slowly moved toward the chair out of politeness. My Husband would have looked him dead in the eye and said with no kindness at all “Oh, hell NO!” So I at least want points for being a nice person. In Spite of that first appearance, He did a great job. I’ll Go Back.
I am from the 80’s. I understand trends. I had the big hair and the Izod shirt and the parachute pants. I have a few pictures of me with the hair and the tongue out sporting the rock-n- roll sign. I bought what Molly Ringwald was selling hook, line and sinker…But there are things that just don’t make sense to me at all.
I don’t understand letting your butt-crack hang out. Butt cracks are for guys fixing their engines on the side of the road, plumbers, drunks, babies and for holding up a thong. Butt Crack= point and Laugh.
I don’t understand not having shoe strings in shoes that clearly need shoestrings. Go ahead and run from that bull in those shoes. Your gonna loose.
I don’t’ get the whole unmatched sock thing. Although it has made my life easier. I have 5 girls who haven’t matched a sock in 3 years.
I Would totally have a tattoo if I wasn’t afraid of needles… a Little butterfly on my behind that I could cover up for business meetings but if you’re going to tattoo a depiction of Satan on your neck and a pot plant on the inside of your fore arm then don’t be surprised when her daddy chases you down the road with a shot gun while your screaming like a little girl.
I don’t understand having hoops in your ears big enough for circus dogs to jump through. Just so you know…. they will never close back. And yes I’ll have fries with that.
I don’t get wearing a baby blanket as an article of clothing as if you were Linus. I’m thinking you need some 75.00 an hour therapy.
I don’t understand wearing pants under a dress. Huh?
I don’t understand letting your teenagers dress you. Flip flops and Muffin tops. See, the problem here is that your muffin top is not in the same place it was 20 years ago so you are going to look more like a melting icecream cone than a muffin.
I don’t get hookah or 180.00 lap dances. Never Mind.
I don’t comprehend things like putting Vodka in your eyeball or planking on a 30 foot bridge or smoking synthetic whatever. Why not text and drive while your drunk…. It all takes a very special kind of stupid. How about the choking game or setting yourself on fire or drinking hand sanitizer? People are really doing this crap. Gee… Sounds like fun to me. Why not just chew up some glass and eat a salt lick.
I believe in living in your culture and enjoying it. I believe that trying new things and experiencing life is what it is all about. BUT…. Smart people created warning labels for a reason, Einstein. If you are just a big enough Jackass to light a bottle rocket out of the crack or your bum….. then friend, you deserve everything you get.