The Reinvention of Me.
Sometimes it’s all in the way you see the playground.
Growing up was really tough for me. Let me be clear that I had a brilliantly wonderful family growing up. My mom is and was awesome. My siblings, my extended family were amazing. I had enough to eat, lived in a nice home and had lots of opportunities. I have a high enough IQ, a creative streak and a hunger to learn everything. But something happened very early on that changed things for me. I experienced a trauma that was life changing. I won’t go into it here; I will just say that it changed the way I was wired. I was just like all the other kids on the playground except for the fact that this trauma affected the way I saw the playground.
I have been blessed. I have had every opportunity to be the woman that I wanted to be. An unlimited amount of chances, lucky draws, special treatment and blank checks that I just didn’t cash. I walked pass a lot of opportunities to be what and who I wanted to be for the easier, more familiar, more comfortable road, but I had the chance. I completely blew it sometimes. I was a lot younger then, carried around a lot of baggage, and enjoyed my misery far too much. The victim. The martyr. The poor overwhelmed, made too many bad mistakes, got too many bad breaks, PMS’ed, why is everyone picking on me, clinically depressed and morally compromised me. It was the way I saw the playground.
Do you hear that sound? It is the sound of screeching tires. The sudden stop. The end of the end of the road. It is the sound of epiphany. Of the moment when being sad and tired and angry was too overwhelming and too much work and too crazy. It was the moment when I realized that how I see the playground is up to me.
So here are the things that I have learned through therapy, research, experimentation, chance taking and prayer.
1. YOU Must Forgive. IT’s just not optional if you want to be happy and free. Especially forgive yourself.
2. Research God. Find out why it matters. Approach it from all angles. The result for me was that I fell madly in love with the person of Jesus Christ; I learned that God is bigger than we think, and that being human is part of it.
3. Quit being a jerk. Raise your standards. Be nice. Treat others with kindness. Don’t take your junk out on the rest of the world. If you’re addicted, get help. If you have a disorder- get help. Take the pill. Change your friends. Go to church. Do whatever works for you. But be a good person. Make those choices. Be grateful for the things you have been blessed with. IF YOUR NOT GRATEFUL, YOU NEVER HAVE ENOUGH, NOONE EVER TREATS YOU RIGHT AND YOUR NEVER HAPPY. Knock it off.
4. What you do when no one is around is who you are.
5. Let it go. Burn it, Write it down, tell it, draw it, paint it, build it, walk it off, run it out, turn it into something else but let it go. “It” only has as much power as you give it.
6. Some people will think you are weird or different. Some people will never let you change. Some people will reject you or treat you with disrespect. Some people will hurt you. Some people will talk about you and enjoy making your life harder. Love them anyway. From a distance. And trust someone else. Not everyone will wipe the floor with you.
7. You will run into people that fascinate you and are smarter than you and have made better choices than you. Hang out with them. They are paying attention. You will either find people who love you for you or who polish you.
8. Be a friend. The older you get the more you need them. Love your friends. Spoil your friends. Remind them they matter. Don’t let your friendships get one sided.
9. Go to therapy if you need to. Seriously. Do what you have to do to work through your crap. You’ll be happier and the rest of the world will thank you.
10. Laugh your hiney off. Laugh at your self. Laugh at your life. Laugh.
11. Take love seriously.
12. Take care of your body.
13. Eat things you love now and then.
14. Find your thing and do it.
15. Don’t be lazy with your life. Dont make excuses. Take Responsibility.
16. You don’t have to take everyone’s crap just because you choose to love.
18. Find out what love is and don’t accept substitutes. Don’t give substitutes.
19. Cherish Sundays