I am sort of a disaster. I admit it. If it’s not written down it’s probably not going to happen unless I am distracted by it. I am the queen of run-on sentences and sentences not completed. So I keep this giant date book. I write everything in it from school holidays, doctor appts, birthdays and trips to my own personal notes and phone numbers. If I lost this book, nothing else would ever happen. Ever.
If i was supposed to be somewhere and didn’t show, I apologize. I didn’t write it down.
It is tough trying to keep up with the details of 18 people’s lives and my own. It is just a lot of stuff to remember, a lot of chores to be done, food to fix, places to go and things to buy. It’s overwhelming sometimes. I have learned to schedule in days where I don’t do anything just so I can breathe.
This Monday morning was the same as most. Kids rushing around trying to get ready for school, tea brewing, husband doing a fly by kissing as he darts out the door for work. And me, with my date book, standing at the island in the kitchen preparing for my week. My 10-year-old, Mia, was standing over my left shoulder looking down at the date book and counting.
She said” Eighteen. Eighteen more days. ” I said” Nope, Spring Break is next week. Are you excited?” She never looked up. She just said” I’m not talking about that Mama, I’m talking about my Dr. appointment.”
I was a little surprised knowing that she hates that stuff and said with a grin, expecting her quick and funny wit to respond, ” Mia, why that day? You are excited about getting a check up? I thought you hated that.”
Then she said something that has been on my mind all morning. It took over my thoughts as I walked around the lake this morning, on my drive back home and even through my quiet time.” Mom! That is the day you will pick me up from school -Just you and me”.
I have been planning. Writing in my date book. Getting it all done. Homework time, quiet time, laundry day, grocery day. Cook it! Clean it! Be there on time! Work and more work. I have planned out spring break for them so that it will be fun and educational. I have just got my lists to make lists all finished….. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that it’s not about all the stuff you have to get accomplished, its about relationships.
I learned a few things from my granddaughter, Maddy as well. This kid is just simply amazing. I was priveledged enough to have been able to keep her for a few months while her mom worked. I completely, with no reservations, fell inlove with this child. Grandparenting is the best thing EVER. I did not have to worry about how she was going to turn out or if she had diapers or what schools she might attend someday. She has simply wonderful parents for that. I just got to enjoy her. And I did.
The day came when her mom could just not bare to be without her any longer. A wonderful and wise decision that made me very proud of her mom and dad, but it broke my heart. I cried like a baby on that last day. I would miss her so much. She brought light and perfect harmony to my days. I was glad that her parents had made a very good decision for her ( Ash is a fantastic mom, Dustin is a great dad- not much for me to concern myself with ), So I put on my big girl panties and let go.
God had given me such a great gift, a perfect lesson in love and an experience that I will always cherish. No regrets. I learned that love without condition and reservation is the most complete love you can ever feel and give away. It comes with a price, but one worth paying. It made me think more about being in the moment than trying to control all the things around it. I found out that all that control is about fear. About just being afraid of rejection or loss. It taught me that living in that fear steals your time and the chance to just love a complete and fullfing love. And it steals laughter. There should always be lots of laughter.
So maybe I will leave the dishes in the sink for a change. Maybe I just wont inspect the bedrooms today. Maybe I will just sit and be present with them, these people that are the reason I do all this ” stuff” in the first place. Take a little more time to do the one on one thing. Just Love a little more and worry a little less. Thank you Mia, for reminding me. Awe, out of the mouths of babes.